Where Does our Self-Esteem Come From?

Our self-esteem develops and evolves throughout our lives as we build an image of ourselves through our experiences with different people and activities. Experiences during our childhood play a particularly large role in the shaping of our basic self-esteem.

When we were growing up, our successes (and failures) and how we were treated by the members of our immediate family, by our teachers, coaches, religious authorities, and by our peers, all contributed to the creation of our basic self-esteem .

An adult who has healthy self-esteem was given this gift in childhood. This could have been done in many ways. Probably one of the most important is being praised for accomplishments. Children who are talked to respectfully and listened to also contributed to healthy self-esteem in adulthood. These children were hugged often and given attention and experienced some type of success in school or sporting activities.

On the other side of the spectrum, we have to identify the childhood for those adults who have poor self-esteem. These children were often criticized harshly, were yelled at or beaten, and were given little attention by those they were closest to. They were ridiculed and even teased as they experienced failures in their young lives. They were made to feel they had to be perfect in order to be valued and associated failure in situations as a failure of their whole selves.

It’s sad, isn’t it? To think of a child treated that way. What’s even sadder is the effect that treatment has on their lives as adults. We are shaped and molded by our experiences. Do you recognize yourself?

How we feel about ourselves can influence how we live our lives. People who feel that they are likable and lovable (in other words people with good self-esteem) have better relationships. They are more likely to ask for help and support from friends and family when they need it. People who believe they can accomplish goals and solve problems are more likely to do well in school. Having good self-esteem allows you to accept yourself and live life to the fullest.

Self-esteem plays a role in almost everything we do. People with high self-esteem do better in school and find it easier to make friends. They tend to have better relationships with peers and adults, feel happier, find it easier to deal with mistakes, disappointments, and failures and are more likely to stick with something until they succeed. It takes some work, but it’s a skill you’ll have for life.

This book is about how to raise your self-esteem, so we will focus on the low self-esteem that many people have these days. You can overcome issues with low self-esteem. It’s not as difficult as you might think. In fact, all you have to do is recognize, understand, and use the techniques we will give you.

One of the initial questions we feel compelled to address is what exactly self-esteem is.

Remember we are not just listening to stories we are inspiring our own minds. If you like the blog on this site, please like, comment and s



  1. Very well said 👌beautiful post and all the sentences correct 👍🏻🙏
    We want to achieve in life means want our parents, family members, teachers and friends love and help , otherwise our inside all the negative thinking sure will
    grow and so that innocent children become violent person 👍🏻😢my comment 🙏

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks sister for misleading me

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Thank you and most welcome 🙏🌷

        Liked by 3 people

  2. Marlapaige says:

    Self-esteem can also be damaged solely by the individual themselves. I had all of the positives and few of those negatives. When I did poorly in school, I was the one who told myself I was stupid. No one else said that, ever. When I started showing signs of mental illness I knew I was different and hated myself for it. No one else knew I was the way I was yet because I hid it. Yes, my mother believed in corporal punishment, but it did not truly injure me because there was so much love from her all of the time. Not an Im sorry I got mad, just because she loves us to the ends of the earth and back. As does my father in his own stoic way. When I succeeded at anything, I brushed it aside because it was too easy. When I failed at something I internalized it as me failing yet again. I was given the opportunity to flourish, but instead of something beautiful I became a dying flower and stayed that way for my entire life to date. Working on changing that now.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Thank you so much for highlighting a part of this site

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Wise Hearted says:

    Found your post to be a fact in my own life. There is life though after an abusive childhood in which my Dad called us pitiful. I got married at 17 to escape to a man who was from a dysfunctional home too. Those early years were rough even though he was not abusive but did not know how to encourage others. He was trapped in his own prison of having a neglectful father. So, it nothing short of a miracle and some hard work on our part to be different then we were raised. We were married for 12 years before we had children so when they came, (2 children), we were more mature and gave our children a healthy home life. At 35 we became believers in Christ, got into a church, read our bible, prayed a lot and learned how to raise our children to have good self esteem. Knowing someone loves you unconditionally is worth its weight in gold. That is what Christ brought into our life. I just ask my daughter the other day if she ever struggled with low self esteem and she said not really. Both our children tell us they always knew we would love them even when they made mistakes, both love to be around us. Yes, we encouraged them to do well, disciplined them when they on purpose did wrong, made them accountable for their mistakes, did not fix everything for them. They both are outgoing, never met a stranger, know how to respect others, good workers, loving to their children adults. So I can tell you or anyone it is possible to turn the tide of a bad upbringing. And with Christ teaching in ones life to follow you have a whole book on His love to base life on. Life is in Christ is my motto and not in others or even ourselves, our past, etc. He alone died for our sins and rose from the grave buying eternal life for all who believes. Blessings on you for writing about this.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am satisfied after going through so many things in your life but I don’t think it is possible to say so much in the comments. If you want to say more, please email my side title deluarhossain336@gmail.com

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow nice 👍👍


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